Sunday, December 28, 2008

Mixed Emotions

Written on 2008-12-26

I safely arrived home on Dec 23. I have to admit when the plane touched down at Pearson airport I felt much trepidation. Of course it was nice to be seeing my family for Christmas, but looking out at the modern developed city, the lights, traffic, snow and ice, so many emotions came over me. I’m not sure I really wanted to be in Toronto. A part of me really wanted to be back in Africa. I wished I were in Zanzibar for the reunion party or back in Malawi working with my fish farmers or anywhere where the weather was warmer. Going back to my parents in Mississauga in the middle of winter between jobs was not where I wanted to be at the moment. I’m aware that I’m feeling reverse culture shock, which I expected, but it still feels unsettling all the same. And it never gets any easier after each overseas assignment (this being my third).

While on the airport runway I struggled with anxious emotions about being home, another side of me was glad to be back. This is difficult to admit (especially on my blog for all to read) but the thing that I am most happy to return to is not my family, nor the Christmas holiday, it’s my wardrobe. I know it sounds awful but its true. I am so happy to be surrounded by my closets of clothes, shoes and jewelery boxes. A guilty indulgence of mine, like sex or chocolate. It’s really nice to have more than a few basic outfits and two pairs of shoes (sandals or sneakers) to wear.

(On a side note this also set me thinking about my double standard for clothing depending on the country. I went to Malawi thinking that work attire would be casual because I perceived the environment to be too rugged and the staff poor. But my co-workers at the office dressed quite well. The ladies were in suits and high heels, even though there were no paved sidewalks in town. I feel like I had not respected their workplace by treating each day like casual Friday. (Of course my target beneficiaries were dressed quite differently, often lacking shoes entirely.) My friend Anna who was in Malawi with me also had the same wardrobe issue but had the sense enough to get her parents to send over her business suits, although I think it was more of an issue for her as she was in the city and I was in a smaller town. I’m grateful to her for lending me high heels whenever I came into Lilongwe!)

After all my work with the poverty stricken beneficiaries, I’m a little ashamed to admit that I’ve spent most of Boxing Day watching the ‘What Not to Wear’ marathon on TLC. I realized it was necessary when I was getting dressed for a Xmas eve party and I had no idea what to wear because I haven’t seen any fashion articles in 6 months. I didn’t think my chitenje would cut it.

I am torn about these thoughts. Part of me wants to be back working in Africa or SE Asia but another part of me enjoys going out in Toronto all dressed up again. Isn’t it selfish and shallow to want all these things? I went out shopping for the Boxing Day sales and dropped $200 at the mall and all I was thinking about was what that money could have been put towards in my projects back in Dedza and Ntcheu. It’s the same feeling I had when I was going to get my pedicure in Lilongwe and passed by the beggar. Is it enough to do some humanitarian work and then return to my self-indulgence? Struggling with these thoughts can drive you a mad if you let them. I suppose the route I’ve decided to take is to move my career in a humanitarian/ethical direction but to maintain a certain level of luxury for myself at the same time. I’m not prepared to give up these little things so I just have to deal with it. Sometimes it feels like I live a double life. During one part of the year I am bathing with a scoop and bucket by candlelight, and a few months later I’m taking long hot showers with deep moisturizing conditioners before going out to dinner parties in my high heels and jewelery. I know I really shouldn’t feel guilty about this. Most people want this life. If you gave any person the option for this luxury I’d say 99% would say yes so I shouldn’t feel bad about giving into creature comforts. I know that by giving up those things I still couldn’t solve all the worlds’ problems so why shouldn’t I enjoy this?
(I am looking down my nose at Homer’s crayon once again.)

Besides being confused about returning to my typical Canadian life I am also unsure of how to answer peoples questions about my work and travel in Malawi and Kenya. When I am asked the inevitable question – How was Africa? I respond simply with – Incredible! A one-word answer to a question people are expecting a speech. If people want me to talk about my time there they need to ask me specific questions or I have no idea what to say because there is just too much. It’s like being asked How’s Life? You’d respond by saying Good or Alright. But that person would like to know a bit more about how your life is going than just that one word, so they’ll go on and ask the more detailed questions. I want to talk about my experience, and tell people in North America how understood Africa is, but it is such a huge topic. So as an advance notice for those of you I have yet to talk with please ask the question as specific as you want the answer to be. I hope what I’ve just written doesn’t make me sound agitated, because I’m not at all – it’s good to talk to people from home. It’s just a recurring conversational issue and nobody seems to realize that they are asking vague questions expecting exact answers.

To sum up this blog – I’ve been 3 days home and how do I feel? Mixed emotions and a loss of what to say to people. Hopefully it will get easier as I continue my transition. It always does.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Nemos

On the lighter side of my trip to Kenya, I have finally dove in the Indian Ocean!! Here in Malindi there is a Marine Nature Reserve which is home to Kenya's best diving. I did two dives this morning, 15m and 10m depth respectively.
The fish life was fabulous and a huge difference to the fishes I've seen in Canada where I've done most of my diving, as well as Lake Malawi where I've dove most recently, which is of course freshwater and completely different from the marine environment.
I've finally seen anemone fish (or Nemo's for you non-fisheries people). They have eluded me for some time as they only exist in the Indian and Pacific Oceans (is the Gulf of Thailand in the Indian or Pacific Ocean?). I also saw octopus, 2 octopuses actually, who were mating in their den. Which was very special and rude of me to interrupt but you know... I saw so many creatures but the anemone fish and octopus really were the highlight of my dives and worth writing home about.

On a more serious note, I think the marine park was established to prevent further degradation to the environment. There has been alot of damage to the coral - from poor diving technique (those who kick and crack the coral reef), overfishing and El Nino events (which bleach and kill the coral due to higher temperatures). I was amazed that the divemasters there actually grabbed onto the Elkhorn coral to hold their place. Of all the people who should know better its them. I mentioned it to the dive shop owner (an Italian) and he just shrugged. He said that since they are local guys (Kenyan) they just won't change their behaviour. This ignorance and apathy put a damper on what should have been a super-duper day.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I would be a happier person if I was more ignorant or dumb. I find there are times when I know too much about a situation or topic and it makes me see such negative things occurring that it can get me down. Like that old saying 'ignorance is bliss'. But if I had to choose between knowledge or ignorance I'd have to go with knowledge.

It reminds me of that Simpson's episode where Homer realized he had a crayon stuck up his nose into his brain and upon removal it made him smart, and he could finally relate to his daughter, Lisa. However that higher IQ came with consequences, it made him see all the negatives in life. Homer realized that he didn't want to live with insight and he decided to have the crayon reinserted (by Moe) so he could live in ignorant bliss again. That was a good episode.
I haven't seen the Simpson's in 6 months now. Its strange to think that in a few days time I'll be home and can watch 3 episodes a day if I want.
OK I'm getting out of the internet cafe and going to make the most of my time in Kenya. Might go for a Kenyan pizza tonight. What is that you ask? Imagine pizza with no cheese or tomatoes, instead it has ground beef and onion baked inside the crust, and cucumber, cabbage and carrot grated on top. Interesting.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Muslim Ninjas

I am still in Lamu. I've decided to stay put for a little while, its nice here. The people here are different from most I've met before. I had a really great experience with some Swahili Muslim girls a few days ago that I felt like writing about.



I went to have my hands pico'ed (a black dye similar to henna is applied to the skin on the hands/feet which lasts for about 3 weeks). Sofia, the woman who did my hands, was really nice. All the female members of her family where in her house where I had my treatment done, there were quite a few of them there. She told me she was 20 and she had 3 kids. She couldn't believe that I had no husband or children yet and I was already 30. Her cousin and 2 of her babies were there and she asked me if I wanted one of hers. She pointed to her 2yr old daughter in a pink dress. The toddler looked up to me with big blank eyes. She said she had too many and she didn't want them all. The sad thing was that I really think she was serious. I tried to laugh it off and told her that I could barely take care of myself. Looking closer at the women they all looked tired and many years older than they actually were.

Her younger sisters and cousins were really curious to talk to me about family planning. They wanted to know how western women prevent pregnancies. So I told them about birth control pills, IUD, depo-provera, tube tying and vasectomy. The women had never heard of any of this before and I spent the next hour explaining how the pill works and how you needed to see a doctor to get a prescription. There is a hospital, clinic and several pharmacies on the island so its possible the pill may be available here. I don't know. I know you can get in it Nairobi, but its a little more rural here... As I spoke their eyes grew wide and they leaned in closer to me. They all wanted to get on the pill. Adamantly. None of them wanted to have 10 kids like their mothers. They wanted kids, but only 2. I really felt bad for them but all I could do was to educate them and make them aware of their options. I have no idea what medicines they have access to, but at least they know there are drugs out there that could help them control their reproductive rights.

There was so much they wanted to learn about their bodies and reproduction. After the pill chat they asked me how they could prevent becoming fat after pregnancy. So we talked about diet and exercise. This is another cultural problem for the women because they primarily cook by frying everything in large amounts of oil; as well women do not play sports or exercise when they mature. When they reach puberty the girls here wear burquas - black scarves covering their entire body only showing their eyes - when they go outside, so its hard to play ultimate or tennis...(sorry tasteless sarcasm here).

A 15yr old girl made a good joke though: although we look like ninja's we're not as fit as them! They all cracked up laughing. It was a good one. Now when I see them walking down the street I think of ninjas and I have to try not to laugh lest I offend someone.

Something unusual about the burquas here is that they all have sparkles sewn along their hems and seams. Glittering rhinestones that shine in the light. Its quite pretty actually, although I have to admit I find it a little confusing. Most Muslim girls I've met have tried to decorate themselves in some fashion no matter how modest they are expected to be. I suppose the strange thing is what certain cultural groups of Muslims deem acceptable and others not.

Lamu Island is a mix of many religions and cultures. Swahili Muslims, Christians, Rastafarian and Maasai warriors. Very interesting just to watch people walking down the waterfront. I walked back from the beach with 2 Maasai warriors yesterday, that was interesting. Here is a picture of Seremon, one of the Maasai.



The thing about my travels is that I just don't spend my time tanning on the beach and getting drunk. I really enjoy talking with the people who live there and getting to know the real place I am visiting - those impoverished or not. Most of the tourists I've met here on the island would not go into a local woman's house, share her homemade samosas and have a heart to heart with them (I'd also like to point out that the women brought up the topic of birth control and not me - I don't preach, only explain the best I can when asked). These are the moments I'll remember long after my tan fades and I'll carry with me the rest of my life. I'm not saying that its bad for people to numb themselves while on vacation, because I do that sometimes too, but I suppose I'm just trying to explain what motivates me and what I value.
Its amazing what happens when you leave yourself open, walk down a path not in the tourist guide, speak to a person who is not a tour guide, check your prejudice at the door.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Lobster Sex

After travelling for a few days I've made it out of the urban jungles of Nairobi and Mombasa and found myself on Lamu Island. It is wonderful here. A UNESCO world heritage site, a group of Swahili villages on an island in the Indian Ocean. It so nice here I am going to set down my bags for awhile. The island is heavily dependant on fishing and tourism for its livelihood, so I fit in naturally!

Yesterday was Kenya's Independence Day (Dec 12) and there were some great parties happening. I ended up taking a ferry to a floating bar about 15min off the coast. It was wonderful to be on the water chatting and drinking with a wonderful mix of locals and expats, which I really enjoyed because I get tired of the same old backpacker talk you have over and over again in the tourist traps.
Anyways, about 3am we all jump back onto the ferry to head home and upon reaching the wharf we come across the lobster fishermen hauling in their traps. It was a full moon so the catch was really good that night (the moon affects the tides and fish movements are influenced strongly on full moon nights).
I am really interested in lobster. One of my jobs as an undergrad was helping to set up a Marine Protected Area for lobsters back home in NL. So I learned alot of their conservation and biology. I have a habit of checking to see if any of the females are pregnant when they are caught (you can see black eggs along her tail) which is a really destructive practice. I didn't see any that night, I hope that the fishermen threw back the pregnant ones.

Anyway as I was checking the lobsters the local guys I was with asked me how I could tell the males and females apart. The guys who lived there on the ocean their whole lives had no idea. So I showed them how the males have extra claspers on their tails where the females didn't. Everyone circled around me to learn. Then one of the fisherman said something in Swahili and my friend translated it for me 'He's never seen a mzungu handle a lobster like that before!' I blushed. That's a compliment in my books. How silly is that?! It was fun though. I always seem to find myself giving fish sex lessons wherever I go...lol

One of the local guys who was walking me home (he also works at the hotel where I am staying) was particularly interested in learning more. He said that he had a book that said when the tides would be high and low, when the sun and moon would set, and when there would be eclipses. But he didn't understand how these happened or how they could be predicted. He asked me if I knew. So we stopped right there on the wharf at 3:30am and I gave him a science lesson. We collected rocks and coins and I built a model solar system. I showed him how the earth revolved around the sun and how the moon revolved around the earth. Then I showed him that when the sun, earth and moon aligned that the shadow could block the sun/moon out and it would disappear in an eclipse. I could see the proverbial light bulb click above his head, his expression was so great to see, he finally understood what was happening. Nature was such an important force in his livelihood but until then it was all a mystery.

Yes, I am fully aware that I am a science geek, but at that moment it felt so good to help explain this to someone who was so curious. Science is cool! I know Tim will back me up on this :)

This guy wasn't stupid by any means, but he never had the chance to go to school after the age of 12 (he's 32 now). He said that one day his father came to him and said that their family couldn't afford to fully educate all 8 children, and that if he wanted to finish school that meant that his younger siblings wouldn't be able to go at all. How hard is that decision?! Its so unfair that a 12 yr old has to be put in that position. But I could sympathize with him because I knew people from my parents generation back in NL who had similar situations. So I answered every science question he asked me. We were there for hours but it was time so well spent. I'd do it again tonight if someone asked. I love using science to help people improve their lives. Its become such a motivating force in my life.

After last night I'll never think of the old shoe box model universe the same way again. Maybe tonight I'll try to set up a volcano using baking soda...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Hello Kenya!

Jambo! (Hello in Swahili)
I arrived in Nairobi on Sunday and the first thing that struck me was that I was in a huge busy crowded noisy city again. I haven't been in a traffic jam since I left Toronto in the spring and I can't say I miss it one bit. The one thing that kept me amused during the traffic jams was that about 50% of the trucks, vans and matatu's all have pictures of Barak Obama on them. They're covered in slogans like 'God Praises Obama!' Or the word 'Hope' is simply written under his picture across the rear window. Its not hard to see how proud Kenyan's are of their grandson. I can't imagine anybody back home driving around with a picture of Stephen Harper or Danny Williams on the back of their truck. lol!!



I decided to get out of Nairobi asap because my priority was to get to the ocean and out of the megacity of 10M people. I took the overnight train from Nairobi to Mombasa Monday night-Tuesday morn. It was lovely. I like riding the train because it is something I never get to do. When I was a young child the railways in Newfoundland were closed down (the old Newfie Bullet). But I have a few memories of placing coins on the tracks and having the train flatten them unrecognizable. It was amusing for a 5yr old at least. So ever since trains have been a novelty for me. When I first traveled Europe I was so excited to ride on a Eurail pass, and now that I had the chance to ride the Rift Valley Railway I seized the moment. It sure as hell beats the bus!
In the morning I was gazing out the window looking at the scenery drifting past my window. Adults and children stopped working in the fields to smile and wave. It was at that moment that I had to stop and think about what I was doing. It was such a great moment to realize that I was taking the old colonial train route across Africa to the coast of the Indian Ocean. The same line as the one in the movie 'Out of Africa'. It puts things in perspective. I am on such an incredible journey!





Mombasa is an interesting city. While Nairobi is a modern bustling city, Mombasa (although still a city) feels different with its older traditional atmosphere. It has a strong maritime influence with Arab-Muslim, Portuguese-Christian and traditional Kenyan cultures intermingling. It is also much hotter than Nairobi. Its about 35C here all the time, while Nairobi was about 25C day/15C night. I am sweating when I wake up in the morning under the fan and mosquito net.
Wandering through Old Town and the Market is a feast for the senses. Mombasa is a major sea-trade route through Africa for things South Asian. Spices, textiles and fruits are abundant here. I picked up Masala spice for tea/coffees, brass bangles and a Pashmina (for only $3!!). Maybe I should go and get some more...



But with the good comes the frustrating. The power has failed 3 times while I've been writing this blog in an internet cafe in Mombasa, so its time to cut my losses and sign off for now.
I'm hoping to head up the coast to Malindi and Lamu soon to get out of the cities and onto more chilled seashore. Cheers!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Good bye Malawi

Tomorrow is my last day in Malawi. It's sad to leave but I am also looking forward to the next leg of my journey through Kenya before heading home for the holidays.
I've spent the weekend saying good bye to my friends and my Malawian family - Anna, Christine, Franscesca, the Wusc staff, and Catherine and her niece Thoko who was like a cousin to me the whole time I was here.

Although my official work ended for me 3 weeks ago, I am only today sending off the final proposal to Irish Aid. If it gets approval my aquaculture project will continue next year and it may be a job for me in the works - but as with any proposal I am not holding my breath.

I haven't really digested all my feelings about my time in Malawi and my work. I think that will come to me when I return home and reflect upon my time here.

But I know for sure that I'll miss Malawi, the warm heart of Africa!